| Communication woes plague professionals across | | | | you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The |
| the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of | | | | response also reaffirms the other person’s |
| others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. | | | | feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the |
| Clients lash out at people to get what they want. | | | | confrontation and can work toward repairing the |
| Rather than pushing back, getting even, or | | | | situation. |
| seething in silence, you can gain control of the | | | | Previously we talked about Verbal Aikido – the |
| situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people | | | | way to respond to a verbal attack by accepting |
| and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, | | | | the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your |
| and it’s a communications technique that | | | | stance. Let’s continue: |
| won’t get you fired. | | | | Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your |
| Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that | | | | Career |
| uses non-resistance to debilitate an | | | | There’s no doubt that being able to |
| opponent’s strength. The aikido practitioner | | | | communicate effectively is a major determinant |
| seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to | | | | to professional success. Hostile and emotional |
| the attacker in order to create balance. In other | | | | reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while |
| words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you | | | | counter responses restore harmony and balance. |
| push. | | | | So the next time you’re the recipient of a |
| This technique is just as effective with verbal | | | | verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other |
| attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal | | | | party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the |
| attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, | | | | other party is pulling you in a direction you |
| and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. | | | | don’t want the conversation to go, push |
| Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers! | | | | forward. |
| Verbal Aikido Basics | | | | Remember these five tips: |
| The cardinal rule of verbal aikido is to not repeat | | | | |
| the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the | | | | 1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect |
| negative message. | | | | you with their anger and hostility by being Direct |
| EXAMPLE | | | | with Respect®. |
| If someone questions a business purchase with an | | | | |
| accusatory, “Why are you wasting the | | | | 1. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, |
| company’s money?” don’t respond | | | | whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, |
| by yelling, “I’m not wasting the | | | | never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only |
| company’s money! I need these items to | | | | force you to absorb the negative message. |
| perform my job!” | | | | |
| Such a response reinforces the blame on you. | | | | 1. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting |
| Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect | | | | the comment and then deciding whether to push |
| the comment by saying, “Let me tell you | | | | or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the |
| how I invested the company’s money.” | | | | statement. |
| Your verbal aikido response also reaffirms your | | | | |
| control over unneeded emotional responses, thus | | | | 1. When you give the other party nothing to push |
| giving the other person nothing to push against. | | | | against, you gain control of the situation. You are |
| EXAMPLE | | | | able to remain positive during the conversation, |
| Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism | | | | not defensive. |
| to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I | | | | |
| did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. | | | | 1. When all else fails, have the courage to walk |
| All you women are alike.” | | | | away from someone who is verbally attacking |
| Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his | | | | you. Don’t be a willing participant in an |
| claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. | | | | uncontrollable negative situation. |
| Let me explain why I feel this way about the | | | | The more proficient you become at verbal aikido, |
| situation.” | | | | the more natural it will become - and the stronger |
| This response accepts the basis of the situation | | | | all your verbal communications will be. |
| without absorbing the negative aspects. However, | | | | |